What do healthy, confident people have in common? Setting clear boundaries. The healthier the person, the more clear and consistent the boundaries. Setting boundaries is a responsible way to express your comfort level with others and be in control of your personal space and agenda.
People are bouncing around in the world, focusing on themselves and sifting everything through their personal filter. How they engage with others and get their needs met ranges from highly-functional to downright manipulative. The only thing you can control is how you respond and engage others. If someone is asking too much or intruding too close, it is up to you to set the tone for what being in relationship with you looks like. You determine what you allow in your life and what is simply too much.
How does setting boundaries boost confidence?
If you aren’t in the habit of being clear with your boundaries, you may struggle with inappropriate feelings in this regard. You may equate setting boundaries with being inflexible, rigid, unkind, too independent, or worse. Your personality, upbringing, or community culture may have sent the wrong message – that you must be accommodating to be of value. If this is the case, I assure you that isn’t true.
Setting boundaries boosts confidence because there is a consistency between your personality, preferences, mental health, and actions. Being able to draw a line in the sand or operate in the manner that fits your needs feels good. It isn’t self-indulgent to hold the line and have personal standards; it’s healthy. Our mental health is tied to our decisions. The more decisions we make that reduce conflict or mitigate it in a healthy way, the more in our right mind we feel. This fuels confidence.
How to set healthy boundaries:
The key to setting boundaries is being honest, healthy, and consistent. Check yourself and make sure that the boundaries you set are fair and are based on solid principles. That way, when someone comes against you with their dysfunction, you can hold true to your position in confidence. Be consistent. Oftentimes, boundaries are violated when they aren’t consistent. Being fair, firm, and consistent sets the tone with others and they respect the clear, predictable boundaries. As you move through life, honoring your boundaries and seeing the impact you have because of them, your confidence and self-assurance will sky rocket.
At Citizen Counselling and Coaching a number of our counsellors and coaches can provide support around building confidence and bettering self-esteem. This can include identifying the obstacles to being more confident, creating practical plans and advice through sharing techniques and models that have worked for others.
Our â€˜My Confidence Coachâ€™ online programme and Coaching was designed for time poor busy people looking to increase their confidence and make a positive change in their lives.
Our Increasing Confidence page can explain more