In a class given to would-be speakers, the focus was on stage fright and how it feels to be at the front of the room with so many eyes watching. Public speaking remains one of the top fears that men and women have. The thought of being laughed at, judged, ridiculed, or humiliated is unfathomable for most.
The teacher shared with the class of speakers that no matter what they do to prepare. No matter how much attention they pay to detail. No matter how many hours they practice. No matter how polished their speeches, how great looking their clothes, or charismatic their presence, ten percent of the audience will not like them. Ten percent.
10 people out of 100
100 people out of 1,000
1,000 people out of 10,000
Will not like that speaker regardless of their effort or the size of the audience.
Knowing that standard helps us to see that some will like us, some won’t – so what! The next time you encounter someone who kicks you in the metaphorical face with their rudeness or rejection, say to yourself “10%!”
Why is the ten percent rule important?
First, let’s take a look at why ten percent won’t or can’t like us.
? They don’t like our look
? They don’t like our sound
? They don’t like our demeanor
? They don’t like our fill-in-the-blank
Likely, it is because what they don’t like in us triggers something in them that has nothing to do with us. They are transferring their feelings onto you from an event or a person from their past (or present) that makes them feel bad. So, they are judging you on something that clearly has nothing to do with you.
Notice I said ‘likely’ above? There are times when we have issues. I’m just being honest. There are times when something about us is just not ideal. In those cases, the same rules apply. Some will, some won’t. So what! We are under no obligation nor are we expected to be all things to all people. Find your tribe, and go where you are celebrated, not tolerated.
Now, to round this out, the ten percent rule applies the other way around. Ten percent of the time, you aren’t going to like someone either. Something about them is going to grate on you or rub you the wrong way. Notice this the next time you find yourself wincing from the audience. What is it about them that is making you feel unattached to them? Chances are they remind you of someone or an experience that triggers you. OR, they are truly offensive to your morals, values, or some other standard. The same rules apply. They do not need your validation to be amazing and you fall into their ten percent.
Some will love you, some won’t – so what! It’s all good.
At Citizen Counselling and Coaching a number of our counsellors and coaches can provide support around building confidence and bettering self-esteem. This can include identifying the obstacles to being more confident, creating practical plans and advice through sharing techniques and models that have worked for others.
Our â€˜My Confidence Coachâ€™ online programme and Coaching was designed for time poor busy people looking to increase their confidence and make a positive change in their lives.
Our Increasing Confidence page can explain more